Tania
or
Sometimes I’m rather klutzy

There were a lot of reasons for not wanting to have too much to do with Tania. On the other hand there were some reasons to meet up with her for a kiss and a hug from time to time. One of her great talents was telepathy. She seemed to know exactly when to avoid me because of my bad moods, when I would get up, when I went to bed.
On the first morning of the year that was suitable for having breakfast on the balcony, she called me just when I had drunk my last sip of coffee and was beginning to long for some easy-going conversation with uncomplicated people.
When I go from my balcony to the telephone, I always have to wind myself awkwardly around the bed stand, strutting like a stork around the piled-up newspapers, books and tapes. Sometimes I’m rather klutzy. When I’m alone I take a short-cut straight over the bed, no matter whether my feet are clean or not. Doing so, that day I managed the stunt of knocking two empty wine glasses off the shelf, which smashed on the edge of the bed. What first – dispose of the broken glass or pick up the phone? Well, the glass could wait, the telephone wouldn’t.
It was Tania, and it seemed to be just the right moment for a couple of minutes’ chatting with her. How was she to know that I had been in a completely hectic state just some seconds before?
She wanted to see me. Today. Tonight! It meant a lot to her.
"Well, I have to perform at the poetry slam tonight."
"Why don’t you let one of your friends do it for you?"
"OK. And what are we going to do then? Movies?"
"Naah!"
"A bar?"
"Nope!"
Apparently she was curious to find out how I would put the good old question "Your place or mine?" in a less corny way. I tried: "Your place?"
"No, yours."
Oh! Sometimes things are really easy. She hung up. Removing the pieces of glass from my bed and floor, I mused: Tania had to have some kind of cat in the bag. She always acted so mysterious. Besides, she was always lying through her teeth, which was actually the main reason for not wanting to have too much to do with her.
When she arrived, it was raining terribly. Instead of a greeting me, she put her tongue in my ear: "Hellllo!" If it is Tania who is doing this to me, it really turns me on.
I helped her with her umbrella and placed it in the kitchen so that it could dry. When I bent down, she grabbed my crotch from behind: "Dan?"
"What?"
I stood upright again. She hugged me.
"I want to have your baby."
"You want… what?"
She laughed as if she had made an excellent joke and unbuttoned my shirt.
"No red wine tonight?", I asked her. She gagged me with kisses and pushed me insistently into the bedroom.
We were already lying on top of each other in my bed when I remembered that the kitchen was a strategically inconvenient place to keep the condoms. "Tania, I gotta get out again. I can bring the red wine too..."
"Fuck the condoms! I said I want to have your baby." She laughed again.
Do you know those moments when you are driven by that little devil inside? I didn’t know – was she kidding or had she really decided to create a descendant that would look similar to me? Was she in her fertile period? Her breasts didn’t seem to have grown, anyway. Well, the experts are still disputing whether the breasts grow during or after the fertile period. I pushed the Risk button.
With Tania I used to practice both versions, tender long-play as well as short hard sex which is quite nice but over quickly. Sure, tonight we would do it hard. She started groaning with the first push and didn’t stop. I closed my eyes and concentrated on her hands which were pressed against my chest. After one minute her rhythmical "Ah! Ah! Ah!" turned into our good old melody of "No! No! No!" which was part of the game. But something was different. Usually her no-screams increased until they transformed into shouts of joy. But tonight they got quieter. The pressure of her hands on my chest decreased as well. I mustered up all my power. Tania did a last short scream. Then she went quiet and stopped moving. That’s all? Obviously she had overtaken me on the last lap while I hadn’t even reached my pace.
I opened my eyes and jerked back. Tania lay in front of me covered with blood. Her breath was only slight. Blood was flowing from a wound in her neck. It must have been the jugular. Beside her there was a large piece of the wine glass which I had overseen that morning. I guess sometimes I’m rather klutzy.